Admittedly, I'm one of the most wishy-washy people you're ever going to encounter. Blame it on my being a Pisces if you like (I generally do), but I've always been the type of person to really listen to all sides of an argument, and most of the time, I can see at least some merit to each side. While it makes me incredibly flexible and understanding, it's also really difficult to me to take a hard stance on much of anything (with the exception of Prius drivers; perhaps I'll plan a rant on those dregs of humanity in the near future). So feel free to read on, with the caveat that I don't really have answers to anything. At all. So, I posted a photo of my 8-year-old on Facebook the other day, mainly to prove the point that, hell yes, I make adorable children. It happened to be a photo I snapped at his last soccer game of the winter season, which culminated in the kids receiving medals for their participation.
To clarify: they received awards for showing up for most of the games, and not killing each other or otherwise causing too much mayhem. At least, I think that's what the medals were for, because they certainly weren't for winning anything. Frankly, as both an individual who despised and actively eschewed organized, team-oriented sports growing up, and the mother of a very athletic boy who plays something or other during each season, I didn't think too much about it. Since my kids are younger, that's just been the way of the world since I got involved in sports in any way just in the last few years. I also know that this sort of "everybody wins" mentality spills over into non-sports life as well, but I imagine it's the arena in which we see the most examples of it. Anyway, as I said, I didn't give it too much thought until one of my friends commented on the post, asking: "How do we feel about the whole 'Everyone deserves a medal! Everyone's a winner!' cultural shift?"
I try to keep my kids as well-rounded as possible, but I let them be kids. Unfortunately, being a kid involves a lot of heartbreak. I mean, little Stephanie is going to steal your Barbie doll and snap her head off from time to time. That shithead Timmy from down the block is going to throw your favorite Care Bear in the mud. And you know what? Your team isn't always going to kick more goals than the rival team. Have a hissy fit, throw stuff, cry, do what you're going to do, but bad shit's gonna happen. That's just life.
My son has been in sports for the last four or so years now, and he has yet to play in a game that's officially scored. Because he's intensely competitive - that's just how he's made - he usually keeps score in his head, and regardless of whether he gets a silly medal at the end, he knows exactly who's won, who's lost, and why. Not all kids are like that.
Since we've made the shift further and further into a politically-correct world, parents are finding more and more ways to take issue with how their kids are handled in various types of situations. While I don't think it's been a conscious decision, I do think that there's an expectation that when your child is part of an organization, whether it's a sports team or a club or any sort of organization in which lots of kids are coming together to do one activity or another, that the people running that activity are supposed to parent your kid for you. I taught horseback-riding lessons for a while to help me pay the rent in college. It was a great gig in many ways that didn't last long, and you know why? Dealing with parents is God-awful. Seriously. And for better or worse, the most obnoxious parents are the squeaky wheels who get stuff changed.
I'm an observer. I've always loved people-watching; I find it fascinating, and nothing makes me happier than sitting with a cup of coffee in a cross-section of humanity watching folks interact. When you've got a sporty kid, that means that a lot of time is spent watching how kids interact with each other, with their parents, with other adults. I see a lot of kids who expect the world to be handed to them. Whether or not that's due to a societal shift that hands out awards for participation, I truly don't know. I do know that my job as a parent is to balance the scales as much as I can, and prepare my darling urchins for life to the best of my ability. I don't rely on sports organizations or clubs to parent my kids. If they want to hand out a medal for showing up, that's cool. My kids know that when they get home, they're not getting an allowance unless they do some chores, and no one is throwing them a party for getting a C on their report card.
Ultimately, I can't control how my kids are rewarded outside my house. Do I necessarily agree with every kid being winner, winner, chicken dinner? Nah, not really, but you know what? I parent my children. I'm happy to show them how wonderful life can be, and prepare them for how shitty it can be. It's all I can do, right?
